


no song can save you

by chariseuma



Series: only fools fall for you (maybe i'm a fool too) [16]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Stalker!AU, Youtuber!Seungkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-07 20:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8815957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chariseuma/pseuds/chariseuma
Summary: Seungkwan was just a normal youtuber who happened to have a fan who is a little bit obsessed with him.





	1. Chapter 1

“Hi guys,” Seungkwan greeted, trying to smile and hoped that his exhaustion did not show. Despite the fact that he was all alone in his room with his three year old laptop set on the desk, he was still nervous.

He had done this a million times before yet this time, it was different. He was not as nervous as when he decided to do this; to show his singing ability to the whole world but right now, he felt even worst. Ever since he received unnecessary mails from a fan, he had been contemplating whether he should stop or not. He still continued though, but after a few more videos and presents that were delivered to him by a particular fan, he chose to end it.

In his opinion, Seungkwan was good looking but he had never thought someone would be obsessed with him.

He let out a fake cough, adjusting the screen so he could find the perfect lighting. The comment box started to flood. The first time Seungkwan created a V app account, there were only around twenty viewers and not it had risen up to 200. Who would have thought that people would actually want to hear him rant about his day?

He took a deep breath, looking at himself on the screen and read a few comments.

_“ **@sujuhwaitingg1:** Hey”_

_“ **@970901cokr** : Hi”_

_“ **@junghwa_lim:** Oppa! When are you going to post a cover?”_

_“ **@busangirl980504** : I’ve missed your voice _ _L_ _”_

Seungkwan let out a giggle, he recognized most of the usernames. “You miss my voice?” he asked, voice lilting. “Then you’re going to miss it more.”

His breath hitched when that one particular username popped out.

_“ **@mykwanboo** : Hi baby”_

Seungkwan cleared his throat, pretending as if he was not disturbed by the comment. “Anyways,” he began, clapping his hands. “I’m sorry for making you all wait.”

_“ **@mykwanboo** : it’s okay baby”_

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, he mustered a huge grin to his viewers. “I’ve been very busy lately with school, as you all know.”

He read the comments again, most of them saying that it was alright and that they were also busy with school too.

“So, I decided to stop doing videos for a while. Or maybe until everything’s settled,” Seungkwan explained. “As you all know, singing have always been my favourite thing to do in the whole world but I finally come to realization that there are more important things than singing.”

_“ **@flower99power** : what are you saying?”_

_“ **@bloodsweatntears** : omg will this be your last video?”_

He smiled, reading the comments.

“This might be my last video though,” he murmured. “I’ve decided to pursue my dream to become a designer. I’m sorry for making you all wait, I really am. I’ve thought about this through…”

Frankly, Seungkwan would have still posted covers of his favourite songs if only his stalker would quit. Not that he would tell the whole world that he was being stalked because who the hell would stalk him anyway? He was an internet meme at one point, so who would think that he had an admirer? Not just an ordinary admirer, but an admirer who sent him gifts and letters on his doorstep – it was fucking crazy.

He thought it was a prank at first. Seokmin was a prankster after all, but when confronted, Seokmin knew nothing about it. Heck, Seokmin even thought that Seungkwan was the one who tried to play a prank him.

“Are you saying that **_I,_** Lee Seokmin, will write letters to you?” Seokmin huffed, offended.

“Ya!” Seungkwan yelled, hitting his arm. “I’m serious, hyung!”

Seungkwan have a lot of friends but only a few knew he had a youtube account anyways, because the others never really cared what he did.

_“ **@junghwa_lim:** I’ll miss you oppa :(!! Now im gonna hv to put ur cover of lost stars on repeat n cry myself to sleep”_

“Don’t cry,” Seungkwan laughed. “I’ll delete my videos but I will still have my covers on 8tracks. I’ll even provide a download link if you want.”

_“ **@sujuhwaitingg1:** YES PLS”_

He loved the reaction he received. Every single reaction except for one.

_“ **@mykwanboo** : baby why would u do that”_

_“ **@mykwanboo** : I live for u. I live for ur voice”_

_“ **@mykwanboo** : do u know the things u do to me”_

_“ **@mykwanboo** : the effect u had on me?”_

Seungkwan berated himself for reading the comment left by the inappropriate user. He had to end the video soon.

“Well, I’m going to post the links on my twitter. Good bye! I’ll miss you all!”

The comments rushed like a tidal wave and the last thing he saw before he turned it off was another comment,

_“ **@mykwanboo** : ily <3”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Seungkwan had a separate twitter account for his viewers and his close friends, including family members. He merely started a youtube account because of boredom and somehow, he found himself enjoying singing covers. But when the number of subscribers, comments and viewers increased, it dawned to him that he was singing for other people – not for himself anymore.

He liked to think that he was a normal boy – he was a poor college student who used the public transportation (and sometimes just walking) to go to his early morning lectures, he can lived on just ramyeon and there were times he would go out with his friends once in a while. But never, in his nineteen years of living, he thought that he would have an obsessed admirer.

He never tell anyone where he lived, except for his family members and few close friends who would crash by sometimes so the idea of someone liking him to the extent of figuring out where he lived scared him to death.

His friends had no reason to pull a prank that huge to him.

Seokmin thought it was a joke for fuck’s sake. (“You wrote the letters by yourself, isn’t it? You’re trying to show off you’ve got a fan, isn’t that right?” “Why would I do that? That’s pathetic! If you’re jealous, you can make your own youtube account, hyung!”)

Jihoon, who was probably the sanest in the group, had suggested going to the police. He even accompanied Seungkwan to go to the nearest station, only to have his case rejected because there was not enough evidence to prove that said stalker was causing him harm.

Seungkwan thought that it may be harmless but why would someone do that to him? Why would user **_mykwanboo_** even had an obsession towards Seungkwan in the first place?

Seungkwan sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose and flipped to the next page of his Physics textbook.

 

* * *

 

 

_Hey, Seungkwan! I absolutely loved your cover of Lost Stars. You mentioned that it was your favourite movie’s OST. I never really liked watching drama honestly speaking but because of you, it might be my favourite movie right now! And I thought I only lived for action movies haha_

_Anyways, I loved your voice so much that I watch your videos religiously. Man, I really love you._

_\- @mykwanboo_

 

 

* * *

 

Unlike his other mails that were placed inside his mailbox on the complex’s mail, he had found the letter on the ground when he opened the door of his apartment on a Wednesday night. The whole thing would be cute if he knew who exactly **_mykwanboo_** was but that was the thing – he did not know **_mykwanboo_**.

He shrugged it off, thinking that it might be a prank pulled by Seokmin or Soonyoung but the letters still came even after he confronted the both of them.

He read the letters which usually consisted of the sender praising Seungkwan and telling Seungkwan how much she loved him. Whoever ** _mykwanboo_** was, she must be too dedicated. The letters started from innocent to — how should he explain it — possessive, was perhaps the right word.

At one point, he stopped reading the letters but curiosity got the best out of him.

As if the stalker knew, she sent him a gift instead. He had found a small box wrapped in red coloured wrapping – which was Seungkwan’s favourite colour – in front of his doorstep.

Curious, he brought it in, thinking that it might be from Wonwoo, who was the only one in his circle who did not get him a birthday present this year.

Inside the box was the exact red hoodie Seungkwan had whined to Wonwoo a few days ago along with a card. Seungkwan squealed as he grabbed the hoodie from the box, giggling happily as he eyed it and it was his size. He tried it on, letting out a huge thank you to Wonwoo even though the elder was not there to hear it. With a content sigh, he grabbed the card that had fallen to the ground and read it, expecting Wonwoo to give him a short but straight to the point belated birthday greeting.

_“I knew you loved red so I thought I’d buy you this. I bet you’d look cute in it, baby._

_— mykwanboo”_

All of a sudden, he did not feel comfortable wearing the hoodie anymore.

_‘How the—’_

He dropped the card to the floor and frantically took the hoodie off, tossing it on his sofa. He had to return it.

 

* * *

 

 

_  
Hi, baby. Is it okay if I call you baby? Haha, I kinda wanna say that the first time I saw you. But when you sing, you’re an angel not my baby. Yesterday I had a dream about you and we were on a date. I hate that I woke up. You feel the same way about me too, aren’t you, baby? I hope you go to sleep thinking of me, because that’s what I do every night. I’m only thinking of you. You’re like a drug, I’m so addicted and there’s no cure._

_I hope you know I’d do anything for you._

_I love you, baby._

_— mykwanboo_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Seungkwan went to the concept store on a Saturday evening after his class ended. He had thrown the box and wrappers on the trash, not wanting to have any of **_mykwanboo_** items around him while he stored the letters far inside a small box in the closet. He thought that he needed to at least keep the letters as proof when things get out of hand. Thinking about the hoodie made him shiver, thus he shoved it inside his backpack and hoped that the store would accept it back although it was slightly creased.

The bell chimed when Seungkwan entered and he was greeted by the familiar face behind the cash register. The salesboy had pale skin and chestnut brown curly locks that ran over his ears. Seungkwan was on a friendly term with Hansol as they shared Physics together. He thanked God that Hansol was on his shift today.

“Hiya,” Hansol greeted with a warm smile. “What can I do for you?”

“Hey,” Seungkwan grinned, letting go of the strap of his backpack to zip it open and took out the hoodie he practically drooled over just a week ago. The hoodie was plain but the material was comfortable but knowing that he received it from his stalker only made him want to gag. “Is there any way you guys can take this hoodie back?”

Hansol raised an eyebrow in confusion as he took the hoodie and inspected it. “Sure,” he answered, there was confusion in his tone. “May I see the receipt please?”

Seungkwan zipped his bag and looked at Hansol in bewilderment. “Oh shit. Fuck, I forgot. Well, um,” Seungkwan stammered. “That was a gift, actually.”

Hansol let out a chuckle as he folded the hoodie neatly. “It doesn’t fit you?”

“No, in fact, it was the perfect size.”

“Then, why do you want to return it?”

“It’s complicated,” Seungkwan grinned sheepishly. “I don’t think I need the hoodie, so I thought of returning it to the store since this store’s the only one that sells the brand here.”

Hansol hummed; his caramel eyes wandered for a moment. “So, you want the money then? But you know I can’t do that—”

“No, no, no. I don’t need the money,” Seungkwan interrupted. “I just wanted to return it, if it’s alright. I was not given a receipt anyway.”

Hansol glanced at his surroundings before leaning in. “You know I can’t do that, right? It’s against the policy. Besides, it’s not even confirmed if the hoodie is bought here.”

“Don’t you have a log book or something?” Seungkwan sounded desperate by now.

“Why do you want to return it anyway? You can just return it to your friend, you know.”

Seungkwan sighed. “That’s the thing – I don’t even know the sender.”

Hansol had a mischievous glint in his eyes as his pink lips quirked into a smirk. “An admirer, eh?” he teased.

If it was not from the stalker, he would have blushed. He did not even have the strength to deny and flush because of Hansol’s teasing.

“Is there any way you could just take it, though?” Seungkwan pouted, widening his eyes and hoped that Hansol was as easy as Mingyu, who always cave in after Seungkwan made a puppy face. Hansol let out a laugh as he patted Seungkwan’s head, “Once again, it is agains—”

“Please?” Seungkwan batted his eyelashes.

When Hansol exhaled loudly through his nose, Seungkwan knew he had won.

“Fine,” Hansol groaned. “But you don’t tell my manager.”

“Thanks!” Seungkwan beamed. “I owe you one!”

Seungkwan was halfway to the exit when Hansol yelled out, “Have you worn it?!”

Seungkwan bit his lower lip, contemplating whether he should lie or not. If he had said yes, Hansol might change his mind. He decided to tell the truth, he was going to run to the exit if Hansol could even tell him to take it back. “Yeah, I did! I hope it’s okay!” and with that, he dashed outside.

“Hey! If you’ve worn it then you should take it back,” his voice drowned into a whisper before letting out an exasperated sigh. “What am I supposed to do with this? Can’t just hang it back… Manager would kill me if she knows.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Baby, do you know how good you look with that sweater today? You’re so adorable I thought I would die! And it’s blue too. Blue’s my favourite colour, by the way. Did you like the present I gave you? After thinking for a while, I decided to buy it for you. I know you’ll love it!_

_Why don’t you wear it for your next video? I miss your voice, baby and I miss you._

_Post a video soon?_

_I love you._

_— mykwanboo_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Seungkwan would be lying if he said he was not shaken when he received the letter. Usually he would have posted his covers every week on Monday but ever since he received the gift, his posting schedules were messed up. In fact, it had been two weeks since he posted any covers. A few fans have tweeted him, asking if he was alright and he always replied that he was fine and that he was just super busy.

His other fans would have tweeted him but ** _mykwonboo_** sent him letters.

She fucking sent him letters to his apartment. By shoving it under the slit of his door.

Seungkwan had finished covering a song one of his fans requested and decided to clean his apartment. He had done his Design&Technology portfolio when he decided to call Seokmin and ask if he wanted to hang out but he was busy. Seungkwan called the others and they were either busy or did not even bother to pick up their phones thus, cleaning his apartment it was.

He had arranged his clothes accordingly, ignoring the small box that was placed at the end of the closet.

When Seungkwan went out to take out his trash, he stumbled on Hansol and Seungcheol, who was on their way downstairs. Judging from how friendly and accustomed they were with the apartment, Seungkwan surmised that the both of them lived on the rooms above his and gave them a friendly greeting when they saw him.

“You need help?” Hansol offered.

“Nah, I got this.”

“Didn’t know you live here. You’re attending the same college as us, right?”

Seungkwan huffed, placing the trash on the ground for a while. “Yeah. You’re Seungcheol, right? A senior?”

Seungcheol nodded. “You and Hansol friends?”

Hansol opened his mouth to speak but Seungkwan beat him to it. “You can say that,” he winked to Hansol.

Hansol cleared his throat nervously, obviously flustered by Seungkwan’s action. “He’s just some dude who hates receiving gifts. He’s the guy I told you about – the one who returned the hoodie! He almost got me fired.”

“Ya! Why are you telling people that?” Seungkwan chided.

Seungcheol only laughed. “Well, it’s nice meeting you…”

“Seungkwan. My name’s Seungkwan,” Seungkwan grinned.

“Seungkwan,” Seungcheol repeated. “See you around?”

“Yeah.”

“Bye, loser.”

“Hansol!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Who is that guy you were talking to, baby? Do you like him? Is he the reason why you’re not posting any videos lately? He’s clearly in love with you, baby, anyone could tell that. Anyone especially me. I hate him already. Stay away from him. He’s no good for you._

_You returned the jacket, didn’t you? I saw it when you return it at the store. Next time I send you something, don’t return it. I want you to have it._

_I love you, you know that right?_

_— mykwanboo_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Of course Seungkwan knew – she had been ending her letters every single time with those three sickening words. Her letters usually started with a hello or a simple hi but when Seungkwan read this particular one, he could feel anger curdling in his stomach.

Who the fuck did she think she was to tell Seungkwan who he should and should not talk to?

Seungkwan was not sure exactly who the guy she mentioned – he had spoken to a lot of guys that week anyways. Instead of placing the letter inside the box with the previous ones, he teared it and shoved it inside the rubbish bin.

Since that day, he had begun to feel wary of his surroundings. She had been watching Seungkwan’s moves and it kind of scared him because this person knew everything about him and yet he knew nothing of the stalker.

Not even the gender of the stalker. Seungkwan’s viewers were 99% female and the other 1% being Lee Seokmin who watched his videos just to make fun of him. And all of them who had interacted with him had been girls. (He knew this because he liked to view their profiles sometimes)

But **_mykwonboo_** never tweeted him. Once, he actually searched the username and nothing came out. He wondered why she would go the trouble to send him a letter when she could have just made a twitter and tweet him like any other normal fan would do. It would be easier for Seungkwan to reach her and tell her to stop calling him ‘baby’ as if he belonged to her.

He was quite surprised when she expressed his jealousy towards guys in the letter. How could she possibly know that Seungkwan might be gay?

(He was bi, actually)

((But currently, he had a crush on Kim Stupid Mingyu))

Seungkwan let out an incoherent noise as he flopped down on the bed. Not only he had to deal with his upcoming Mathematics test, now he had to deal with an obsessive faceless admirer.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Kim Mingyu, was it? When you told me you covered Colors and dedicated it to a special someone, it wasn’t me, right? It was Kim Mingyu. I should have known. What did he have that I don’t? Tell me, baby, and I’ll change just for you._

_He’s not good enough. No one is ever good enough for you. He doesn’t even know how beautiful your voice is. Why would you want someone like that?_

_I hope you’d eat these chocolates well, baby since you’re craving for it. The hazelnut ran out of stock and the wafer was the only one left. Since you loved the brand so much, I thought I’d buy it for you._

_I love you._

_— mykwanboo_

 

* * *

 

 

Seungkwan did not eat the chocolates.

He was tempted to do so but there were millions of thoughts rushing inside his head. What if she poisoned it? How the fuck did she knew he liked Mingyu? Why was she doing this to him?

The chocolates were expensive and Seungkwan had to starve to death to buy it with his own money. Honestly, it bugged him that this admirer would buy him the chocolates without thinking twice.

He mindlessly scooped his rice with his spoon, only to stare at his untouched rice. Minghao, who noticed Seungkwan was acting strange lately, gave him a nudge on the shoulder. Minghao was one of the exchange students in school and recently became an addition to their group.

“What’s wrong?”

Seungkwan looked up to Minghao and shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong.”

Wonwoo narrowed his small eyes towards Seungkwan, shoving a spoonful of rice in his mouth. “You’ve been quiet lately.”

It took Seungkwan nearly thirty seconds to finally speak up. “Remember when I told you about the stalker?”

Slowly, Wonwoo nodded. Seokmin and Jihoon still had classes and Seungkwan took the opportunity to open up to someone. He knew Seokmin would only make fun of him if he ever heard this.

“The stalker actually got me a gift.”

Wonwoo cocked his eyebrow, waiting for Seungkwan to elaborate further. Minghao only listened quietly.

“Remember the hoodie I wanted at the concept store Hansol worked on? The red one?”

“Ah, the one you were crying over because it’s expensive and you’re a poor bastard?”

Seungkwan glared at Wonwoo, itching to hit the elder with the metal spoon he was holding. “That’s not the point!” Seungkwan hissed. “The point is that the stalker gave me the hoodie.”

Wonwoo feed himself another spoonful of rice and chewed slowly. “Are you serious?”

“I thought it was from you,” Seungkwan muttered.

“I can barely feed myself. How am I supposed to give you an expensive hoodie?” Wonwoo countered.

Seungkwan murmured an “I know” before playing with the rice again. Minghao gave Seungkwan’s shoulder a comforting squeeze, “Maybe the stalker is not a bad person, you know? Maybe she just really likes you.”

Seungkwan tried to convince himself that _yeah, maybe she was not a bad person_ before finally eating his food.

That was when he knew it was time to finally end his unofficial singing career in youtube.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Did you love the chocolate, baby? Should I send you more?_

_It’s crazy how madly in love I am with you. You’re the only thing I can think about. I watched your livestream yesterday and although I am upset that you decided to stop, I respect your decision. Besides, I have every single video of you in my phone and laptop so I won’t be lonely. On the bright side, this means only I can watch your old videos, no? Haha_

_Maybe it’s time for us to meet. For you to see how good I am for you. You’d like that, don’t you?_

_I love you, baby, I always do and always will._

_— mykwanboo_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Seungkwan knew it was wrong for him to keep everything to himself but he could not bring the subject to talk to his friends. He decided to forget it and told himself that perhaps his stalker would stop eventually. One day he would laugh about this when he thought about it back.

It was on a Friday night when Seungkwan was out with a few friends at the pub. He shoved **_mykwanboo_** away from his mind, locked every disturbing thought of the stalker and threw away the key. There were a few familiar faces in the crowd and when he saw Hansol, Seungkwan gave him a wave. Hansol only nod in acknowledgment by raising the red cup he was holding.

The pub was not crowded that day and they spent their evening chatting and drinking their problems away. Mingyu was there too. Seungkwan hoped he did not look like he had drunk three huge cups of beer. After his friends had egged him on, Seungkwan finally talked to Mingyu. The taller was being sweet to him all the time, occasionally teasing him and grinning at Seungkwan like Seungkwan was the reason he breathe.

When Mingyu announced he was leaving, Seungkwan almost begged him to stay but the elder had important matters to attend to. Mingyu had given Seungkwan a kiss on the cheek before leaving and that was all it took for Seungkwan to forget every problem he had been suffering these past few months.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Why won’t you listen to me? I told you to stay away from him. He even took advantage of you. If I could end him, I would._

_— mykwanboo_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Seungkwan’s mother had probably forgotten to send Seungkwan his allowance. He had spent the allowance school provided earlier that month on food and clothing and it was only then he realized that he had not yet paid his rent for May.

Desperate, he went to the concept store that only took him less than twenty minutes walking from his apartment to apply for the job. Besides, he was friends with Hansol and Hansol surely could help him get a job.

The manager was a nice woman with stern demeanor and she immediately accepted Seungkwan out of pity. ~~(Seungkwan knew his puppy eyes look always work)~~

He started working on Tuesday and even requested to share the same shift as Hansol. Hansol had groaned out loud playfully when Seungkwan told him that they will be working together. Despite constantly appearing annoyed around Seungkwan, Hansol had been a great help. He covered for Seungkwan when Seungkwan was running late, and even did some of Seungkwan’s job. Seungkwan was pretty sure Hansol was beginning to be nice to him and that they were really on a new level of their friendship.

(Aka: Hansol finally listen to Seungkwan every time he rant about anything or everything and instead of shutting him up, Hansol just went along with it and gave him his input once a while)

When he entered his apartment that night, the usual cream coloured envelope was placed in front of his doorstep which was unusual. It looked thicker too. Seungkwan took it inside and tossed it to the coffee table and went straight to bed.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Why are you tiring yourself, baby? I can help you, if you want, all you gotta do is ask. I hope you’d quit working at the store, by the way, it’s hard to watch you when you’re there. Here’s a little something to help you._

_I love you._

_— mykwanboo_

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was money.

The money was more than enough for Seungkwan to pay his monthly rent. He was beginning to get paranoid now that he lost focus easily in class and at work. His friends, and even Hansol, noticed the sudden change in his behavior.

_How did she know I worked there? Why would she send me money? What was her real intention?_

That meant his stalker watch his every move. She was always near but he never saw her. It was when he was mindlessly folding the tees when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Alert, he jumped and shrieked.

“Hey, hey, Seungkwan, what’s wrong?” Hansol asked with wide eyes and a concerned voice.

Seungkwan panted heavily and placed a hand on his heaving chest while the other on the shelf in order to support himself. “I’m sorry. I was just surprised, that’s all.”

“Are you okay? Do you need something to drink?”

“You mean like liquor? I could use some of that.”

Hansol chuckled. “No, silly. Water. You can’t drink while working.”

“Nah, nah, it’s okay.”

Hansol stared at him with his caramel eyes, not buying whatever Seungkwan was saying. He crossed his arms. “You’re lying, Seungkwan. You’re not okay.”

“I need beer. Or anything strong, really.”

“You wanna go somewhere tomorrow night?”

Seungkwan was a bit taken aback by Hansol’s sudden proposal but nodded anyways. He really needed to relief his stress.

 

 

* * *

_I can’t wait to meet you and make you mine. Are you excited, baby? ‘Cause I know I am._

_— mykwanboo_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Seungkwan thought that it would be just the two of them but turned out Hansol invited a few others too. Of course he would bring others, why would Hansol bothered to spend time just with him? Seungkwan was trying to get himself drunk but when he saw Mingyu, he abruptly changed his mind. But Mingyu did not seem to notice he was there and the tall tanned man was seen with another woman whom he seemed to be intimate with, judging by how he had his hand on her waist all this time.

Seungkwan felt betrayed. He should have known not to get his hopes up. Besides, Mingyu never even initiated anything.

Instead of numbing his mind that night, he stayed rather quiet despite having people around him chattering giddily.

Hansol was nice enough to stay by his side, not letting him drink more than he should and despite being the one who proposed to go to the club, Hansol barely touched his glass. He was busy chattering and holding onto Seungkwan and taking care of Seungkwan.

It was only ten when Seungkwan announced that he wanted to leave, sick of seeing Mingyu grinding against another woman. Hansol looked at Seungkwan as if he was crazy, and knowing how unwell Seungkwan felt lately, he decided to walk him home.

Albeit living in the same apartment complex, they never really walked home together. Hansol must have always stayed late for work while Seungkwan would do other things. The night air was chill and Seungkwan was glad he chose to worn his sweater. Their walk home was quiet and they were only five minutes away from their complex when Seungkwan began crying.

“Seungkwan, are you okay? What’s wrong with you?”

Hansol sounded genuinely concern that it only made him sob even harder. Hansol was holding onto him as he sobbed and it was damn embarrassing. The first time he cried in front of a friend, who was unfortunately an idiot, Soonyoung had taken a picture of him. He kind of expected Hansol to do the same too but was taken aback when the younger only wrapped his arms around his shoulder, hushing him and telling him softly that he was there and it was okay.

When Seungkwan’s crying quelled down, they resumed walking, hand in hand this time. Seungkwan suddenly did not feel like going to his apartment, and found himself not complaining when they reached one level higher than his apartment.

“You okay?” Hansol asked again, fumbling for his apartment keys when they stopped in front of a red painted door with the number 33 plastered on it.

Seungkwan nodded, not trusting himself to speak as he sniffed and wiped his tears.

Hansol unlocked the door and invited Seungkwan in.

“I told you he’s no good for you,” Hansol murmured. “Let me get you a water, okay?”

Hansol shuffled to the kitchen as Seungkwan made his way to the living room. He grabbed a few tissues from the coffee table and wiped his tear stained face with it. Hansol came a few moments later with a glass of water and excused himself to go change in his room. Seungkwan took a sip, saw a few chocolate pamphlets underneath the glass table.

Seeing the pamphlets made him kind of regret throwing the chocolates that were given to him by **_mykwanboo_**. He should have eaten it.

He was chewing on his bottom lip, feeling guilty for being a burden to Hansol. They were supposed to have a good time, _dammit_ , to drink their asses off and yet Seungkwan decided to be a fun sponge and leave and cry his ass off. Seungkwan did not realize he was crying again, Mingyu with another woman being the trigger, when he felt a hand patting his back. He did not even realize he had been covering his face when he began crying again.

He continued crying, letting out ugly sobs he did not know he could make when Hansol murmured, “It’s okay, baby. Now you do know he doesn’t deserve you, right?”

As if someone had slapped him with a metal bat, Seungkwan became tense and stopped sniffing; eyes widen a smidgen, still covering his face. _‘What—’_

“I was worried about you all the time, you know? I’ve got something that could make you feel better. You love chocolates, don’t you? I’ll go get one.”

When he felt Hansol was gone, he looked up and stared at Hansol’s back, who was making his way to the kitchen when he realized Hansol had been wearing the familiar hoodie he had once worn. “Oh shit,” Seungkwan muttered, finally able to put all the pieces together. “Oh shit,” he repeated when it dawned to him that he needed to get away fast.

“Um, Hansol?” his voice cracked a bit when he spoke. “I’m gonna go now, I really need to rest. So, uh, I’ll be going.”

Scrambling to his feet, he abruptly made his way towards the door when he felt a hand hold on his wrist. He had doubted it at first, thought that there was no way **_mykwanboo_** was someone he know, but he was proven wrong when he turned to face the owner of said hand and stared at the hoodie he was wearing and yeah, it was the same hoodie that was given to him weeks ago. Hansol batted his eyelashes as he spoke, “You can take my room if you want.”

“No, no, no, thank you. My room is only one level away—”

And Seungkwan found himself pinned against the door, Hansol cradling his face and smashed his lips against Seungkwan’s. Seungkwan did not have any energy left in him when Hansol pulled away, staring at Seungkwan with eyes clouded in mischief.

“Stay, baby.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

_I’ll make you mine someday._

 

 

* * *

 

 


	2. pt II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hansol found his classmate's youtube account and accidentally fell in love.

It all began somewhere in January when Hansol was having a break. He had been bored to death that day – there were less customers and he had forgotten to bring his homework with him. Usually Hansol would have done any homework given during his break because somehow, he never managed to finish it at home.

At first, he was just watching videos of Maroon 5 and somehow ended up on a video of the song cover. Hansol was never a big fan of cover songs frankly speaking but what made him watched the particular video until the end was the fact that he knew the singer.

It was Boo Seungkwan, the guy from his Physics class. He never expected Seungkwan to post a video on youtube of him singing, seeing that Seungkwan was not really talkative in class. They were partnered up once. Seungkwan talked more than he expected him to, maybe because it was just the two of them.

During his walk home from work, Hansol found himself humming to Lost Stars and instead of Adam Levine’s voice, he heard Seungkwan’s voice instead.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Seungkwan ruffled his hair, staring at the screen. He tapped his finger on the table, perhaps not realizing that it was already turned on. Hansol’s prediction was proven correct when Seungkwan let out a small gasp before breaking into a huge grin._

_“Hello guys! Didn’t realize this was already on,” Seungkwan giggled._

_God, he sounded so cute._

_Hansol had created the V app account earlier, when he found out that Seungkwan had one with the purpose of interacting with his viewers. Hansol would have created it using his real name but somehow was embarrassed to do so. He settled for **mykwanboo** because it sounded like a girl’s._

_“ **@mykwanboo** : hi!”_

_“How are you all doing today?” Seungkwan asked, his eyes were focused on the left side on the screen, probably reading the comment._

_Hansol could have just walked up to Seungkwan in college and tell him how good he sounded when he sang but Hansol could not bring himself to do that. There was just something in him that was holding him back. He had played Seungkwan’s cover of Lost Stars as background music, ditching his usual rap songs by his favourite rappers._

_The Seungkwan he knew was different than the one he was watching. While in real life, Seungkwan would only talk to him when necessary, on screen, it seemed like Seungkwan was opening up to him. He liked it._

_“I had an assignment today too! I was tired,” Seungkwan sighed._

_“ **@mykwanboo** : u should take a rest”_

_Seungkwan grinned. Probably the cutest grin ever. “Thank you for being so considerate. You should probably rest too!”_

_Hansol blushed, a small smile creeping on his lips. Seungkwan was reading **his** comment. _

_“Any thoughts of my new cover, guys? My throat always feels sore whenever singing a song by Mariah Carey’s. She’s the best, I swear!”_

_Hansol cocked an eyebrow. ‘He posted a new cover?’_

_Seungkwan played with his hair as he read the comments. Hansol felt an impulse to bring his fingertips to his hair._

_“You guys are too sweet!” Seungkwan cooed. “And oh? Shout out to twitter user… um…” Seungkwan paused for a moment, grabbing his phone and scrolled through the screen. “Twitter user **Jooyeon1999** for making this cute drawing of me!”_

_Seungkwan showed his phone to his laptop’s screen, showing a chibi drawing of Seungkwan._

_“I had to go now. Sorry! I promise to go on live longer next time. I love you all.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Just a few days ago, Hotline Bling was his #1 on his playlist and now was replaced by Lost Stars, which was a cover of Seungkwan. Hansol thanked the internet and the genius who created the video to mp3 converter generator.

His initial intention of downloading Seungkwan’s videos at first was to save his data, but he somehow ended up downloading all of them and watched a few whenever he had the chance to. He loved how concentrated Seungkwan looked whenever he sang and how Seungkwan always start his video with a blank look on his face as if he did not realize it was already recording.

One night, Hansol could not sleep and suddenly he came up with an idea.

It was supposed to be a prank, actually. He would then confront Seungkwan if he received any letter from a certain user and then reveal to Seungkwan that he had been watching his videos. But he found himself enjoying writing to Seungkwan – mainly because he kind of let his feelings out at the same time. He was so close to breaking his own fingers as cheesy sentences began to fill the page of his letter but he could not help it – Boo Seungkwan made him feel things. Things he did not want to feel.

Hansol knew Seungkwan’s apartment was below his. He saw Seungkwan going out from the same complex when Hansol was about to enter but Seungkwan never seemed to notice him. Seungkwan was probably either too busy texting someone with his phone or was always with a friend that he did not notice Hansol was there.

Slowly, Hansol find himself looking forward every Monday for Seungkwan’s new video. He began to view Seungkwan differently and he absolutely loved the caring side he only showed on his videos. There was something about the way Seungkwan rant, the way his eyes would crinkle in happiness when someone flattered him and Hansol loved it.

“What are you listening to?” Seungcheol asked him.

Hansol turned off the latest song Seungkwan covered. Usually, he would have been more willing to share his music to Seungcheol but not this time. It was as if he wanted to listen to Seungkwan’s voice all by himself.

“Nothing.”

“You’ve been plugging your earphones to your ears lately. Is it an explicit song?”

Hansol rolled his eyes. “No, hyung.”

“Then what is it?”

“Just some song,” he murmured. “Now, what were you saying earlier on?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

_“I’ve been craving for this brand of chocolate lately,” Seungkwan said with mouth full. He was holding a box of branded chocolate on the screen for the viewer to see. “One of my friends bought it for me for my birthday. Isn’t he nice?”_

_“ **@mykwanboo** : how was it?”_

_Seungkwan swallowed before nearing to his laptop screen. Seungkwan was so near Hansol could count his eyelashes but before he could, Seungkwan pulled away._

_“The chocolate is good! It’s my favourite, actually. I’ve been eating the ones from the convenience store! It’s nice to have these once in a while.”_

_“ **@mykwanboo** : you’re so cute”_

_Seungkwan looked a bit flustered as he shook his head. “I’m not cute.”_

_Hansol had to bit his lip to refrain from screaming. Seungkwan read his comment and responded to him. Could the day get any better?_

_Hansol typed on the keyboard only to backspace it. He was going too far. Too fucking far. With a deep breath, he retyped it and this time, he clicked enter._

_“ **@mykwanboo** : I love you”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Seungkwan was in the concept store with his lanky friend the day Hansol worked. Despite the sign on the store saying that no food and drinks were allowed, Seungkwan had a drink in his hand as he walked around the store. Hansol tried not to be obvious that he was staring.

“Aah hyung! This one is so nice!” Seungkwan pouted, thumbing a red fabric with his free hand.

His lanky friend only stared at him with an unamused look on his face. How can he look at Seungkwan like that when Seungkwan was being too cute? Hansol bit his lower lip to stop himself from shrieking. He wanted to curse his luck as a customer approached him, asking him if the shirt had a medium size available.

Hansol had to check the sizes when he heard Seungkwan’s voice whining, “I like this so much! Won’t you buy it for me, hyung?” followed by a deep voice replying, “We’re both broke. Let’s go out before you start to cry over it.”

When they were gone and Hansol was done helping the customer, Hansol found himself standing in front of a red hoodie Seungkwan was whining over earlier. Without any much thought, he decided that he would buy it. After convincing his manager, his manager finally decided to let Hansol have it by deducting the money from his salary.

He had bought a small box and red wrapper on his way home and decided to leave it on Seungkwan’s doorstep tomorrow.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Seungkwan came to the store a few days later to return the red hoodie Hansol had given him. Hansol felt a little bit disappointed at first, and even told Seungkwan that it was against the rules but this was Boo Seungkwan, someone Hansol would do anything to. If Seungkwan asked Hansol to do a backflip, Hansol would.

Hansol wanted to know why Seungkwan was returning his gift. His heart almost dropped thinking that he got Seungkwan the wrong size but turned out it fit.

“Then, why do you want to return it?”

“It’s complicated,” Seungkwan grinned sheepishly. “I don’t think I need the hoodie, so I thought of returning it to the store since this store’s the only one that sells the brand here.”

 _‘Maybe he needs the money…’_ Hansol thought and asked if it was the money Seungkwan wanted.

After a few more attempts, Hansol finally decided to take back the hoodie.

The look on Seungkwan’s face when Hansol accepted the hoodie back was something Hansol would not be able to forget his entire life. Seungkwan’s eyes brightened, and it was perhaps the most beautiful thing Hansol had ever seen. At the back of his mind, he screamed out, “Too bad you can’t see what I see, user **_sujuhwaiting1_**!!!”

Seungkwan was halfway to the exit when something hit Hansol, “Have you worn it?!”

Seungkwan turned around, still grinning. It took all Hansol’s willpower not to collapse on the floor and cry.

“Yeah, I did! I hope it’s okay!”

“Hey!” Hansol called out again but Seungkwan already dashed outside. He attempted to give it back to Seungkwan, but his words drowned into a whisper. If his manager found out, she would surely get angry. Hansol sighed, decided to take the hoodie home.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_“Hi guys!” Seungkwan waved. He looked so happy that day, it was hard not to coo in adoration. Seungkwan fixed his hair, eyes on the left side of the screen. Hansol abruptly scrambled for his earphones and plugged it in once he found it. Slowly, he increased the volume of the video._

_“I’ve been listening to this song lately and I know, I know,” he softly chuckled. “None of you requested this song but I love it so much, I thought you guys would love it too.”_

_Hansol nodded. He never requested Seungkwan to sing any of his favourite – not that Seungkwan could actually sing to Krizz Kaliko’s Spaz. Besides, Hansol loved anything that Seungkwan sang, even those Mariah Carey songs. Hansol let out a sigh of admiration before pulling his knees up to his chest, resting his heels on the chair._

_He loved it when Seungkwan talked before singing. Sometimes he would ramble on and on. Most people would have skipped to the part where he began singing but not Hansol. Hansol could listen to Seungkwan talk every day._

_“It’s Colors by Halsey,” Seungkwan grinned. “You guys ever heard of her? She’s amazing!”_

_Every singer and artists are amazing to Seungkwan. He always said that every time he covered a song._

_“It’s dedicated to a special someone,” he grinned sheepishly, looking away as if the special someone was there. At this, Hansol flushed. There was no way the special someone would be him, would it? Hansol swallowed, his eyes watched how shy Seungkwan was through the screen._

_“I hope you guys will enjoy this!”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Seungkwan looked absolutely adorable in the blue sweater. Hansol had to fight the urge to snap a picture. Seungkwan had been looking tired lately, but when Seungkwan talked to this particular guy, his eyes instantly brightened up. Hansol felt something nasty at the pit of his stomach when it dawned to him that Seungkwan liked Mingyu.

Instead of posting videos every Monday, Seungkwan had disappeared for a while. Hansol kept on refreshing Seungkwan’s channel, waiting for another video to be posted up but there was nothing.

Hansol was listening to Colors, another song covered by Seungkwan. Seungkwan had mentioned that he dedicated the song to a certain someone, whom he was so sure to be him, only to realize that it was Mingyu.

Hansol had seen Mingyu around the school, talking to a few people. He also found out that Mingyu was friends with Seungcheol, which made it easier for Hansol to befriend him. They talked for a while and instantly became friends, although secretly, the whole time they were conversing, Hansol wished he could strangle the male.

Hansol was on his way to the science department when he saw Seungkwan on the lawn, talking with Mingyu. Anyone with two working eyes could tell that Seungkwan was head to heels for Mingyu. He saw the way Seungkwan’s eyes brightened, how they glow and how he turned to hide his red face when Mingyu patted him on the head.

He knew he was being unreasonable. He knew that Seungkwan did not belong to him. Not to anyone, really, but he could not help but to feel anger. The whole day, he could not stop thinking about it. He wanted Seungkwan to look at him the way he had looked at Mingyu. Instead, Seungkwan would only be giving him a small smile whenever their eyes made contact during Physics and Hansol was the one who felt the raging butterflies in his chest.

He did not have work that night and thought it was the best time to wallow in self-pity.

He should have just told Seungkwan that it was him from the start.

But somehow he ended up taking it way too far. He had confessed to Seungkwan – calling him baby and telling him how much he loved him; there was no way Seungkwan would ever see him as a friend again. He could not help it; he wanted to be there for Seungkwan, to shower Seungkwan with love and let the boy knew how Hansol would do anything for him.

“That’ll be $19.76,” the cashier informed. Hansol looked up and saw the familiar box of chocolate he had seen days ago on Seungkwan’s livestream. He distinctly remembered saying Seungkwan wanted the chocolates…

“Can I have one of those?”

The cashier cocked her overly drawn eyebrows before pointing to the chocolates inside the transparent casing behind her. “This?”

“Yeah. Do you happen to have Hazelnut?”

The cashier was still staring at Hansol as if she was thinking that there was no way Hansol could afford the chocolate. Hansol may not seem like it, but he was quite loaded. The cashier turned her back to Hansol, unlocking the casing and checked the boxes. “Nah, there’s only wafer and strawberry left.”

Hansol thought for a moment. “Well, okay. I’ll have the wafer.”

“And that’ll be $51.76.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Seungkwan stopped posting videos.

He had announced it on his livestream the night before. Hansol was not sure how to feel. Seungkwan even announced that he would be deleting his videos, but Hansol did not need to worry. He had Seungkwan’s videos in his laptops anyway.

To say that Hansol was upset would be an understatement. Before discovering Seungkwan, his playlist mainly consisted of hip hop songs, courtesy of Seungcheol but now he realized that he kind of liked listening to other genres too. Who knew he even listened to trot just because Seungkwan sang it? Hell, Seungkwan could read the whole physics textbook and Hansol would be more than happy to listen.

Hansol was out at the pub with Seungcheol and a few friends. After Seungkwan’s sudden announcement, Hansol really needed a drink. Seungcheol had invited Mingyu too. It took all Hansol’s willpower not to spit his beer on the said man’s face.

Hansol barely touched his second cup when he noticed a few familiar faces entering the pub, which he came to realized was Seungkwan’s group of friends. His notion was proven correct when he saw Seungkwan beside Seokmin. Hansol wanted to turn away, feeling a little betrayed that Seungkwan decided to stop, but when Seungkwan’s eyes meet his, his heart beat erratically in his chest.

Seungkwan gave him a wave.

Hansol was certain he had died.

Hansol wanted to wave back, but afraid that he was being too excited. Instead, he nodded and raised his cup before looking away and gulped down the beer.

Seungcheol was nudging him, often blocking his view of Seungkwan the whole evening. Hansol watched with possessiveness as Mingyu leaned down to whisper something in Seungkwan’s ears. Mingyu was with them a few minutes ago and when he left to the bathroom, the next thing Hansol knew, he and Seungkwan had gone out of the bathroom together. They were talking about something that Hansol could not hear and he hated hated hated hated hated how beautiful Seungkwan looked when Mingyu was paying attention to him.

Hansol could do that.

Hansol could look at Seungkwan all day.

Hansol could listen to Seungkwan all day.

Hansol could spend every moment and every attention on Seungkwan only so why did he have to choose Mingyu?

Seungcheol was talking about the sickest rap track he heard recently, and Hansol could not afford to care. He watched as Mingyu leaned down to peck on Seungkwan’s cheek and that was all it took for Hansol to look away, pain evident on his pale face.

_Shit._

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was not Hansol’s intention to set Mingyu up with someone, but he thought the idea was better than strangling Mingyu with his bare hands. Hansol’s classmate, Joeun, was a beautiful girl and Hansol thought that she and Mingyu might have looked good together. Besides, she was vulnerable after a breakup with her boyfriend. And so, he played cupid and he thanked every God that it worked out just the way he wanted.

One afternoon, while Hansol was busy counting the money on the cash register, Seungkwan entered the store. Hansol almost bruised his knees for getting up from his stool faster than he ever did in his entire life.

He wondered why Seungkwan wanted to desperately work there. Seungkwan had begged and even pulled out his puppy face when the manager called for an interview. Working together with Seungkwan meant more time spent together. Hansol was supposed to be giddy but the idea of working together made him frown. How was he supposed to look at Seungkwan normally now? What if he get caught staring?

“Can I have a request, miss?” Hansol heard Seungkwan giggled.

The manager replied, “What is it? For someone who hasn’t even started the job, you’re asking a lot.”

“Can I have the same shift as Hansol?”

Hansol wished for the ground to open and swallow him whole.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

For someone who had begged to be accepted as a staff, Seungkwan was tardy. Sometimes, he would come in late. And he was also pretty slow too in folding the clothes. Hansol had to help.

Hansol was tired, actually. But when Seungkwan gave him a smile and thanked him, Hansol thought that it was all worth it. Seungkwan was smiling because of him. He loved it. At one point, Seungkwan was rambling during their break. He said that he needed the money for rent. At this, Hansol’s ears perked up with interest.

If Hansol could help Seungkwan, maybe Seungkwan would stop working. Perhaps Seungkwan would decide to continue posting videos again. Hansol missed the thrill of waiting for Seungkwan’s next cover, he really did.

He thought about it again and again. Then, he decided to give Seungkwan the money anyways. Seungkwan deserved it. Seungkwan deserved all the good things in the world.

 

* * *

 

 

Seungkwan looked lifeless the day he came to work. He must have tired himself out, Hansol almost felt sorry. Instead of the usual bright smile, Seungkwan’s eyes were half lidded, as if he did not have any sleep. He probably did not. Hansol wondered if it was because the assignments they were given a week before.

Still, Seungkwan was still working at the store. Hansol wished Seungkwan would just quit already – he hated seeing Seungkwan tired. Hansol approached him, asked him what was wrong and when Seungkwan mentioned that he wanted a drink, Hansol grabbed the chance to ask Seungkwan out.

He was ready for Seungkwan to reject him but to his surprise, Seungkwan nodded. Hansol had to bite down his lower lip from grinning too wide.

 

* * *

 

 

The night just got better.

As much as Hansol would have liked for it only to be the both of them, he had to invite others too. Or else, he might make a fool out of himself. The only thing he wanted was to make Seungkwan alive again. He did not expect for Mingyu to show up out of the blue, grinding his body against Joeun but when he saw the grimace on Seungkwan’s face, he thought that maybe it was his chance to play the hero or something.

He kept close to Seungkwan the whole time, watching Seungkwan as his hand raised the cup but not drinking the content. Hansol had written Seungkwan a few letters, telling Seungkwan that it was time for them to officially meet. Seeing that Seungkwan probably stop liking Mingyu, perhaps Hansol had a chance.

Hansol had to let Seungkwan know the things he did just for him.

Hansol had to let Seungkwan know that all this time, he appreciated Seungkwan more than anything else in the world. Seungkwan needed to know that Hansol would do anything for him, that Hansol would take care of him.

And when Seungkwan announced that he wanted to leave, Hansol grabbed the chance.

He thought smiling Seungkwan was the cutest, but he was proven wrong when Seungkwan cried on their way home.

There was absolutely nothing more adorable than **_his_** Seungkwan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot of u asked for a sequel,,,,,, and i had no idea what i was doing tbh + i turned 19 today someone kill me

**Author's Note:**

> obvs its hansol lmao lemme know whatchu think


End file.
